The Guru is proudly supported by....
Lamer E-Mail
The moral of this page is simple.....
Dont piss-off Guru or send DUMB emails, and your email(s) *in full* will not appear here.

----- Original Message -----
Subject: Killer Inctinct 1 and 2 not working since 116u2...
Sent: Wed Jul  4 01:08:24 2007
From: adam@adamra.com
To: Guru

Mame Team:

Killer Instinct 1 and 2 are not working since version 116u2, keys like SERVICE, COIN and START are not working.

Hope this info help you.
--
Submitted via form from mamedev.org

WOW!!! Thanks for telling us, we would have never guessed it without your INVALUABLE HELP!!!
Hmmmm, looking up that domain reveals this guy is from Mexico..... so that's explains the dumbass statement....
The moral to this story is simple... do not try to appear intelligent by making comments about something you do not fully understand because it has the OPPOSITE EFFECT!!! GRRRR!!!


----- Original Message -----
Subject : Sheepboy
From: glsmooooth@hotmail.com
To: Guru
Sent: Sun, 10 Jun 2007 01:09:03 am

Sheepboy would like to join your team as it has been brought to my attention that you do jobs very very slowly, 11 years for some coding thing? Thats half my life, now I will require an annual salary of £75000 rising by £25000 for every project finished, I would also like you to fix my shoutbox free of charge, as it doesnt let us post plus signs, and it has this really annoying refresh thing where you're typing a long ass reply to someone and about to send it, it refreshes and you lose everything you wrote, its not fair because the amount of times I have said something really clever and not been allowed to post it and then forget it, is very annoying. And guru doesnt seem to give a rats ass about it, which im not too happy about, hey, your not our guru are you? So anyway, my services are required, im just waiting on your offer of the job, my name precedes me I know, dont think of me as a superior, just as a god. All the best sheepboy.  xxx
--
Submitted via form from mamedev.org

Sorry, we don't accept sheep or boys. Come back when you're a man and maybe we'll talk a deal.
P.S. You may want to try for a job in New Zealand, they like sheep over there. Bring some gum boots along for the job interview.


----- Original Message -----
Subject : my last email
From: cpukett@hotmail.com
To: Guru
Sent: Mon, 9 Apr 2007 08:23:16 am

Hello, It's me again. Don't worry, I'm not here to hassle you. I just wanted to say that I've been an ass and I sincerely apologise for that. Last week during Easter I was touched by the hand of God and it made me see things differently. I have become a born again Christian and I have seen the light. Again, I'm very sorry for my outbursts and I promise I will not bother you again.
Kindest Regards,
Chris Pukett
cpukett@hotmail.com
--
Submitted via form from mamedev.org

Well, there you go.... miracles can happen.


----- Original Message -----
Subject : money for the decapping process
From: smiller@hotmail.com
To: Guru
Sent: Fri, 6 Apr 2007 09:55:02 am

Hey dipshit put this in your lamer emails
I am coming over to see you in a week or 2 so how about we meet somewhere and see who the real man is you gutless faggot and at least i put my real name and not hide like a little gay pillow biter behind a faggots name like yours and dont forget to edit this one aswell you little poofter So let me know by my email when and where to meet and we will see if you really do have a ball sack or not but by the sounds of it your mommy wont let you out after dark and bring your so called wife cause it sounds like she might need a real man after i have finished with you
Chris Pukett
cpukett@hotmail.com
--
Submitted via form from mamedev.org

I still don't know who you are, but you're definitely not rich and you didn't win the lottery. How can I tell? Well, you keep wasting time sending completely pointless threatening emails via the mamedev.org form. Anyone else would be just doing normal things that a rich millionaire would do. You're just one of those jobless little nerds with a two inch dick who sits in his pyjamas behind a PC all day and all night jerking off on really poor quality free porn. Everyone really enjoys your dumb emails though, so keep going. Oh and don't forget to change your email address again, so we will know you are trying to hide behind yet another spineless Hotmail account. Maybe you'll change it to one that gets through my spam filters? Oh wait. No, you're just a dumb little kid, so that will never happen.


----- Original Message -----
From: cpukett@hotmail.com
To: Guru
Sent: Thu, 15 Mar 2007 07:48:02 pm

I have just got back from holidays last week (yea i know i said i would be back before Xmas but we were having such a good time) And i see that you have been helping that wanker (censored) I told you not to help him but you ignored me so in return i am not going to donate any of my money that i won from lotto I would have donated a couple of thousands (maybe up to $5000) towards the decapping project and microscope and other things but now you are going to suffer So until you stop helping (censored) or he is dead or kicked out no money will EVER be put towards the team
Chris Pukett
--
Submitted via form from mamedev.org

I have no idea who you are, but yeah, well, you are definitely one sad brain-dead son-of-a-bitch. You can suck my hairy nutsack. Oh and Fuck You Too Buddy!


----- Original Message -----
From: raigera@yahoo.com.br
Sent: Sunday, October 01, 2006 3:01 AM
Subject: Error in Double Dragon,ddragon.zip- Please, help me...
> Hello, I´d like to comment that I love games of arcade very ancient,
> one of them marked my time. I have one xbox and in it I have all
> emulators, but my sadness is great because one of game that I like very much
> and that unhappyly occurs an error in it, it calls double dragon, the
> name of the rom is double dragon, it functions/turn round  very well in
> Mame-x it (version b6), which you had produced. All perfect, but has a
> thing that make me sad it is when finishes the game happens an error
> and the screen stay stop and I can´t see the end of the game. I searched
> about this and this error is called 63701. In the versions most current
> of Mame in the PC this already was corrected, but at last I wanted very
> much that is corrected in the version of mamex (b6) of xbox, therefore
> I am ordering this email, asking for this appeal, because only you that
> understand of the programming of it can repair this problem. And I know
> that you can this successful, arranges double dragon for me
> and ,if possible, you send me the version corrected for e-mail,
> without this error and that always that I finish the game, I can see the end,
> and whith that you can realize a dream of mine, this for you is very
> easy, not cost nothing, but for me will be a great joy. Sorry about the
> gramatically errors, because I am Brazilian and I translated what I
> wrote, but I hope that my message will be understood. Please, do it for me,
> because I love this game, and with this error I fell sad. How I said,
> this game on pc was corrected, but in xbox (Mamex b6) have this error in
> Double Dragon. I wait answers. I thank if you can help me.
>--
>Submitted via form from mamedev.org


You may want to tell someone who gives a shit because I don't care either way! Can someone explain why so many stupid emails come from Brazil?

>running mame32fx it runs fine but don't play many of the games as you know for example Bloody Roar
>2. I have little experience with the whole thing and I would really appreciate if you can call me
>back on my phone 954 986-2671. Thank You
>--
>Submitted via form from mamedev.org


I'll be very happy to phone you. Just point me to the part of the docs that says we offer free phone support.


Another Form Submission... Oh BOY!

> > (gypie10@bigpond.com) on Thursday, October 13, 2005 at 20:33:38
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
> > comment: Hi how you doing,midway just released midway arcade treasures 3
> > for xbox it has the coin op version of sanfransisco rush the rock and
> > sanfransisco rush 2049,you might be able to look at the drivers on that
> > dvd of them 2 games to get the mame ones working properly because xbox is
> > pc based,midway managed to get them games working in proper speed on the
> > xbox witch is a pentium 3 based machine,so if you look at the drivers on
> > that dvd,you might figure out how to get the mame ones in proper speed
> > even on a pentium 3,the midway arcade treasures 3 also has hydro
> > thunder,mame hasnt got that game yet might be able to coppie the rom of
> > the dvd,im not sure who i should send this information to i was going to
> > send it to ville but im not sure if he is doing these games,please make
> > sure this information gets to the person who doing these games.   thanks



Another form submission.
OMG!!...... read below.....
----- Original Message ----- Sent: Tuesday, July 12, 2005 2:46 PM
Subject: MAME Contribuitions Suggestions

Below is the result of your feedback form.  It was submitted on Tuesday, July 12, 2005 at 02:46:08
---------------------------------------------------------------------------


Thank you for being reading this message. I belong to Brazil and user of the MAME and desire to help in the development of that project. I will send this message for the dev and for other responsible addresses for other versions different from the main and for that I believe that nor all of the suggestions and complaints (who am me to claim some thing and much less worthy of that) they won't be for almost all.  
This message was translated by a translating program and for that maybe can have translation mistakes.  
   
For the main program to MAME I want to give the following suggestions:  
  
- To each new version because of the number of new games and internal changes the program is every time enormous and delay a long time to carry. It is possible to use MAME him/it in you conspire with 64 MB RAM for who possesses old games like Pacman, but it delays a long time! In machines with 128 MB RAM and CPU Pentium 3 800 MHZ he is almost long 20 seconds to carry Pacman! Obvious that in old versions as to 0.55 that he/she opens in less than 5 seconds that doesn't happen. Logically it is because of the new games. Users that don't possess new games like CPS2 exist, Neo Geo and other. Just old games of the decade of 80 and they don't possess rights and they are not interested maybe in new games possessing in that way to less than 10 games. My suggestion is the following to separate the main program he/she MAME of the drivers of those games in files separate from EXE just leaving EXE with the necessary to execute the user's commands. For instance when an user wants to carry Pacman the program MAME will try to just carry the driver of Pacman and the necessary to execute only that game and later he will read the group of ROMs of him. Whenever it goes ferchar the game those necessary files they would be extinguished of the memory of the system helping in the versions based on MAME32 and it would help so much that he/she has little or a lot of RAM memory because that reduces the need to use the virtual memory and for who has a lot of memory the last files are in the cache of virtual disk (VCACHE) for future readings if necessary. The drivers could be inside separate in files in any directory of the main directory and advanced users could choose which drivers are of his/her interest and to turn off the ones that would not be necessary. That will help a lot of people and they will like a lot. That he/she buys more RAM memory who has conspire more sophisticated and it is not good to use old versions of the he/she MAME to solve that because he/she has! old games that you/they still are not emulated correctly. That will help in the time of carrregamento of the program. MAME32 0,55 consumes 20 MB approximately of RAM in comparison with the version 0,97 that consumes 80 MB RAM! Do they understand him/it what want to say? That I believe that it doesn't disturb anybody in that aspect and if you if they don't interest in that suggestion please I would like information of how to remove those drivers in another way.  
 
- The menu Refresh Rate that appears in the game that accelerates the number FPS is interesting (In the menu after the volume and CPU Overclock). I noticed that in new versions of the he/she MAME that command interferes in the speed of the voices and music of some games leaving faster than doesn't happen in previous versions as to 0,90. It would be good if that command increases the number of FPS without interfering in the speed of the voices in future versions of the he/she MAME. It would be excellent that and a lot of people would like. Please leave the keys CTRL and Alt working for the adjustment as always and don't change that as they did with the menu of sound volume that if it turned a problem for me and I believe that for many other users that I will speak later in that message.  
   
- The quality of the image of the he/she MAME changed a lot. In the versions 0,30 and 0,36 it is interesting to observe that it seems enough with Arcade and in the versions 0,55 even before to 0,60 it was darker. In the version 0,60 the colors changed. It is interesting to say that and it is as if when putting new games (logically content games exist badly even) the program has been different because of them. In the very old versions before to 0,36 because of the old games that you/they are of more infantile content and without badly that some now the program seems more beautiful. Interesting that not? Does he/she have like you to leave the quality of the image to be very similar with those versions without the use of a command to use effects and improvements of images that it demands more processing?  
   
- It is strange to observe that when using the command artwork too much the speed of the games dimuni. The game Popeye for instance without artwork it passes of the 200% of speed and with the linked artwork it doesn't get to arrive nor in the 100% in a Pentium 3 800 MHZ! Optimize that please because it is strange to see a static image consume so much processing and games that it is good to leave that linked option exist.  
   
The following suggestions maybe are for the versions based in MAME32.  
   
- Nor all of the versions based on MAME32 as Mame32 FX possess Overclock of 300% and they don't save the values that the user chose. It would be good to have that in those versions. Exists versions of the MAME32 that when giving the command reset is lost the adjustments of Overclock used in the use and it will be good to remove that command. If some user to use an overclock that some game is not possible initiate being that solves that manually putting back for 100% than in that way that loses what was adjusted.
   
- For the versions that possess Autofire it would be good to use the system Toggle autofire or buttons autofire together with the normal buttons without acceleration. For instance games of 2 buttons can be configured to use the 2 normal buttons with other 2 identical with autofire.  
   
- For the versions based on MAME32 users that use the paste Category exist that to the invéz of using the classification for alphabetical order could use for classification of the order in that you/they were created or for the user's movement. For instance the category platform could be put in first and later another that the user to choose without needing to put values númericos before the name.  
   
- In the versions based on MAME32 put a command to stop the search for new games if the user wants.  
   
- When the user wants to visualize the properties of a game he uses the command Properties where appear the characteristics of the game as the number of processors of CPU and sound. Please put the value of the amount memory of RAM and video that those games used in Arcades that it is interesting.   
   
- Nor all of the versions based on MAME32 possess the classification command "MODIFY 'THE" that makes the games with name as for instance The Combatribes are shown like "The Combatribes" or "Combatribes, The."  
   
- In the Menu Options Default Game Options it exists some suggestions: In guide Display where the command exists Frameskip a command it could be increased to limit the maximum number of automatic frameskip because if it puts in the automatic has games that of 3 Frameskips in less than second 1 changes for 11 frameskips. In guide Sound it is observed that it is in her that survives the volume of the game that is good to save and it ends up generating several files and even hundreds of them in the user's disk and my suggestion is to save that information with the file CFG of the game dimunindo the amount of unnecessary files. In guide Miscellaneous nor all of the versions possess the options of Skip disclaimer, Skip loves info and skip warnings that it helps plenty the users. Nor all of the versions based on MAME32 possess guide BIOS that is possible to configure which BIOS adapted separately for the games without having to configure the properties of each game and it will be good to have a middle of leaving selected which types of BIOS the user wants to use for the same types of games of referring BIOS.  
   
- Nor all of the versions based on MAME32 possess in GUI the command of visualizing PCB Info  
   
- In the versions of MAME32 in the menu View of GUI the command exists Grouped to visualize the games in a way similar to the way Details. Also put an option of being possible to leave the games with the command Grouped in visualization way List.  
   
- It would be good if it was possible for the user to put different colors in the names of the games that appear in GUI that the user considers more interesting in the same category. That is similar the colors different from the icons that games that work act and they don't work. For instance as he/she could appear in a same category games with a color and that that the user likes another color: Pacman (Color of the normal source that it was chosen in the menu Game List Font) and that that always plays as for instance Rygar (with a color different from the other games).  
   
- In the versions based on MAME32 put an option of changing the image of the therefore of the he/she MAME that he/she appears in the menu Help About for another that the user wants. The soon of the he/she MAME that he/she has an image behind the name MAME is the times stranger. One that is beautiful is the official image of MAME32.  
   
- They say that the version based in he/she MAME him/it called FASTMAME turns much faster than other for having some optimizations and codes solitary desnessários of the program. If possible they put those optimizations in their versions of MAME32 to help the users.  
   
- Does MAME32 open a game in the same process that is GUI now? If please they don't put that optimization to be more free memory for the system and to help users of old games. A version of called MAME32 exists NEOMAME32 that is based on MAME32 Plus with the necessary to just carry games of Neo Geo that an option exists to turn the program in the same process that GUI to save memory. For that vein the need to already ask that optimization exists and if it doesn't exist please they put.  
   
- I used ZETAMAME32 and that program opens as much GUI as the games in a good speed. Any optimization type to reduce the time of shipment of the program is excellent for the users.  
   
- On the use of the memory of the system he/she does MAME him/it verifies if file of available virtual memory exists for him or does it "trust" the amount of free RAM memory what the system has available? I use a compacting program of RAM very good and my PC is not slow because of him and he/she gives to observe that I open programs that consume the same as he/she MAME him/it and just MAME doesn't open him/it if I don't put a file of larger virtual memory for him. The stranger is that I see that it didn't record anything in the file of virtual memory and he should just have an amount of file of virtual memory allocated even without the use of that compacting program of RAM.  
   
- Some versions of MAME32 possess improvements in the image of the games who no chosen for the user as for instance ZetaMAME32 that gives to notice that the colors are different. I entered in the site of ZetaMAME32 in the part of Features says at a place "About ZetaMAME32... Base list of ZetaMAME32 source code AdvanceMAME: Image Enhancement. Does that have to do something with the colors be different? If it goes that the reason or don't always put an option if the user wants or not to use that optimization type in the colors.  
   
- An option exists of attributing buttons to activate and to disable codes Cheat. That is in the menu Game Cheats Add\Edit Cheat. Please put something that saves the chosen buttons for the user for not having that all moment that to carry the game again to attribute those buttons again and if possible together with the file CFG.  
   
- Using so much MAME him/it like MAME32 happens something very strange when carrying the game Phelios (Source Namcos2.c) in a system Pentium 3 800 MHZ with 128 MB RAM in Windows 98 IF with just Norton Antivirus 2002 and programs well small loaded like Powerstrip. After the game carries when putting credit the program is slow for almost 10 seconds with the music playing without musical continuation and finally he/she appears the ínicio. That happens again when in the game he/she appears plenty iamgens with details as for instance in the ínicio of this game where appear several dragons simultâneamente. In other words the game it is pausing as if he/she had lacking free RAM memory. That doesn't happen if it uses other similar games (Source Namcos2.c) as Rolling Thunder 2 and other more demanding like Marvel Super Heroes (Source CPS2.c). I discovered that reducing the size of the value of the cache of virtual disk (VCACHE) he works without giving those pauses and I eat consequence for having reduced the value the reading of HD increased too much. That with certainty is not because of processing demand for the system and when it happens those pauses is not happening reading in HD. I made that test without using any compacting program of RAM or something similar. Games that almost consume 200 MB of RAM it doesn't happen that problem and just in that case. That is not problem in the system Windows 98 IF. I hope if they discover the reason help the users.  
   
I have the following complaint:  
   
- The change of the sound menu when the game is carried where the user controls the volume of the channels of sound of the games was changed and he had some consequences that I believe to have vary people complaining in the whole world for cause of those reasons. The amount of volume continues in the values 0db without any change for the user. The value of the channels of volume of the processors changed of percentage for numeric value and the name of each channel comes writing if it is MONKEY or Stereo. That change didn't disturb and until it got better because now the sound can be higher than before. The problem comes now. The channels now were contained in MONKEY and Stereo causing a difficulty in regulating the volume in games with many channels and they also contained individually the channels of sound of each processor disturbing the tuning of voice channels and noise. Another bad fact was that pressing the key CRTL left together with the arrows in each channel increased the values of 1 in 1 and now of 2 in 2 and the user is not entitled of saving the amount of volume of those channels. See the examples below:  
   
Street Fighter 2 Champion Edition (before the change)  
YM2151 #0 CH1 (LT) VOLUME 35% (Music of the game)  
YM2151 #0 CH2 (RT) VOLUME 35% (Music of the game)  
MSM6295 #0 (VOICE 0) VOLUME 30% (Sounds)  
MSM6295 #0 (VOICE 1) VOLUME 30% (Sounds and voices)  
MSM6295 #0 (VOICE 2) VOLUME 30% (Sounds and voices)  
MSM6295 #0 (VOICE 3) VOLUME 30% (Sounds of the blows)  
   
The user can leave the voices with a higher value than collapsed him and blows.  
  
Street Fighter 2 Champion Edition (after the change)  
MONO:YM2151 0,0 0,35 (Music)  
MONO:YM2151 0,1 0,35 (Music)  
MONO:OKI6295 0,30 (contained Sounds)  
  
Now the user more he/she cannot make that!  
Now the problem of you conspire with sound Stereo  
  
Rolling Thunder 2 (before the change)  
C140 LEFT (LT) VOLUME 45%  
C140 RIGHT (RT) VOLUME 45%  
YM2151 #0 CH1 (LT) VOLUME 100%  
YM2151 #0 CH2 (RT) VOLUME 100%  
  
Rolling Thunder 2 (after the change)  
LEFT:C140 0,0  
LEFT:YM2151 0,0  
RIGHT:C140 0,1  
RIGHT:YM2151 0,1  
  
I don't want to be seeking other examples in games with more channels than to example above because it will be enormous that message. One of them is Robocop and Trojan for instance and many other. Many games don't possess the amount of sound volume of the identical channels to the original sound in Arcade and an example of that is the game Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and other example is Vigilant where the voice is much higher than the music.  
I am using him/it MAME from the version 0,55 and I never complained about something of the program that it still is not emulated or something of the same level and that problem of the tuning of the sound was the worst change that I already saw in that program. Please and for mercy desagrupem the channels and return to the that was before with separate channels and contained by processor and not for channel MONKEY or in Left and Right. If they want to leave with numeric value to the porcetagem invez it doesn't disturb. If that didn't interest to the main desenvolvedores of the program, I hope to know if hope exists of returning to the that was before and if somebody that can leave as it was. Not to turn to the that was before lost my interest in future versions of the he/she MAME. Please return to the that was before.  
   
Thank you very much for his/her attention and I await answer of that email.  
Thank you very much for MAME!

Guru says.... 'Halleluiah brother!'
Are you fricken crazy? I read the first line, after that, it became boring. DO NOT WRITE LONG WINDED EMAILS ABOUT NOTHING BECAUSE THAT JUST PISSES PEOPLE OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

This was submitted to me via the contact form. This definitely qualifies for 'Bone Head Of The Year' (so far, anyway....)

Submitted by (pierre_barti@hotmail.com) on Saturday, July 02, 2005 at 13:46:55
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
comment: I hope this will help you for some informations about model 1.2.3 boards,
for your emulation devlopment.
http://www.arrowweb.com/mkr/
http://www.arrowweb.com/mkr/m4_doc.html#Features
http://www.system16.com/model3/
http://www.system16.com/sega/index.html


Oh yeah dude, REALLY USEFUL STUFF!!!
That arrowweb link really cracks me up! hahahahaa!!



----- Original Message -----
From: "Alex Mills" <djr_tist@yahoo.com.au>
Sent: Thursday, March 27, 2003 10:06 PM
Subject: A few comments.

> Dear 'The Guru',
>
> I came across your page of witty, and seemingly
> self-satisfying responses to e-mails

Self-satisfying? Yes, most certainly!

> whilst searching for a particular ROM file.
Good for you (but unfortunately there are no ROMs here).
> Before I say any more, I should point out that I'm
> aware of the irony of e-mailing you in this fashion,
> but hey, why can't I share the inflated sense of
> self-esteem?


You're aware, and you still chose to send it? You should make an appointment to see your local psychiatrist.
> I don't really have any profound points to make and

Yes, I can see that.

> I'm certainly not going to threaten your health or god
> forbid your e-mail account..

Whoops! Too late, you're blacklisted.

> I guess I'm just amused
> by the amount of time you've seemingly spent in firing
> eqally intelligent / productive insults back at people
> who may or may not have e-mailed you under the
> misapprehension of recieving a helpful / corrective
> reply.

This page is supposed to be amusing. Oh and it might help to use a spell checker next time you use big words....

> The irony is as such: 1. The time you have spent
> replying to the e-mails clearly outweighs the
> disregard you claim to have for the recipients,

The time replying to these is fully justified because I'm hopeful others will read this and thus not send equally stupid emails to me.

> and 2.
> Your 'rebuttal' (for lack of a better word) doesn't
> exactly have the intelliectual superiority that you
> seem to be striving for.

The "rebuttal" as you put it, is also worded to take into consideration the lack of mental stability and feeble brain of the animal/mineral/vegetable who sent the original email(s), since I'm also hopeful that they will read this and crawl back under their rock. I see you still didn't activate your spell checker :-(

> Yes, this is 5 minutes of MY life that I've wasted..

I can't doubt you there....

> But at least it was mildly satisfying.

Indeed, for me too.
We are all now 0.001% dumber from having read your generous words of wisdom.

-----------------------------------------

7th January, 2003
The following is an unpaid community service announcement by Guru Dumping Services Pty. Ltd.



Hi. This is the qmail-send program at mail.polarcom.com.
I'm afraid I wasn't able to deliver your message to the following addresses.
This is a permanent error; I've given up. Sorry it didn't work out.

<donp@polarcom.com>:
Sorry, no mailbox here by that name. (#5.1.1)


So DonP, please reply with a valid return email address and I can reply to your email.

Hmm, well as I expected, no reply. It's a real pity that he bothered to type that email to me, because he just wasted his time as well as mine. 

------------------------------------------

Some more lies from an ant called Vanguarde....
"I just want you and the community to know, since Guru has failed to
take action, I have. Guru is going to learn that is it not proper to
post a home address, home phone numbers, and Static IP's. The 6
month wait is just the start. And tell everyone not to bitch to me, I
asked for the communities help so Guru would remove the items from his
website, and nothing happened. Also, I sent an Email to Guru giving full
explination as to why it had to be removed, and all he sent back was a
'no'. Wrong answer. From now on, I am going to hunt down
everyone involved with the MAME project, and make their life a living
hell. Before I was just being playful, but now I am truly angry. Now you
are all going to see why over the next year why it's not correct to
assume everyone who is 'annoying' is a 'simple' Troll.
- Vanguarde "

I received no such email from you asking me to remove that info.
It's really dumb to take responsibility for everything that goes wrong. I guess you were responsible for the attacks of September 11th too? One day you will say you did something that you didn't really do, and someone will target you with a gun and blow your goddamn head off (I hope).
Thanks for further evidence that you are a spineless liar as well as an asshole that sucks dead dogs' dicks.

-------------------------------------------

----- Original Message -----
Sent: Thursday, November 07, 2002 9:53 AM
Subject: Diet GoGo PAL chips

> Hi, this might be an unusual question for you, but I
> don't know who else could help. I recently purchased a
> Diet GoGo board. When it arrived, it had a problem. No
> sprites were displayed and some garbage was on the
> right hand of the screen. Everything else worked.
> Someone suggested to make sure the socketed chips were
> in the correct orientation.
>
> I'm new to dealing with arcade games and electronics
> so I figured let me try turning one of the chips
> around and see if it helps. Well, I know now that was
> a pretty stupid thing to do. The chip was a PAL and
> it's now dead.
>
> Is it possible to dump a PAL? If so, would you
> consider dumping the PAL's of Diet GoGo when you get
> to dumping the roms of the game?


Well, you certainly know what that PAL does now don't you.... as well as serving some function in the logic of the board, it's also a protection device and can't be copied, so you're out of luck, bro.
You probably noticed I didn't post the name/email details.... I guess he feels pretty bad already :-)
LOL!!! I don't class this as a "lamer email", but this is too funny to pass up. Let there be a lesson in this for everyone.... if you don't know what you are doing, don't mess with complicated electronics. The original fault was probably something simple, unfortunately, the board is only good for the bin, or maybe it will turn up on ebay as "untested". LOL!!


The WINNER!
       |
       |
      \/

------ Original Message -----
From: Michael W. (mikewebb@si.rr.com)
Sent: Sunday, November 03, 2002 5:19 AM
Subject: Give me ROM'z or I report you to the IDSA A.S.A.P.

> GIVE ME ROM'S I WANT YOU TO DELIVER TO ME, EVERY SINGLE MAME ROM, INCLUDING ALL OF THE ROMS YOU ARE > HOARDING, A FULLY RE-COMPILED VERSION OF MAME, WITH SUPPORT FOR THE FOLLOWING GAMES - RAGE OF THE > DRAGONS, KING OF FIGHTERS 2001, 2002, SENGOKU 3.
>
> IF YOU DO NOT PROVIDE ME WITH EVERYTHING I HAVE SAID, I WILL REPORT YOU AND YOUR BUDDIES TO THE IDSA, > AND THEN YOUR LITTLE PROJECT WILL BE AT AN END. WE BOTH KNOW THE IDSA ONLY TOLERATES YOU AND MAME, > DON'T FORCE ME TO BE THE ONE TO END PROJECT MAME, AND ALL OTHER EMULATORS!
> SEND ME THE ROMS AND THE MAME!
>
> EliteHaX0rZ
>
> P.S. DO NOT FORGET , I GIVE YOU 2 WEEKS TO PROVIDE ME WITH EVERYTHING OR ELSE!!
> AND IF YOU FLAME ME I WILL FIND YOU AND YOUR BROTHERS, AND MESS UP ALL UP SOMETHING FIERCE, I AM 6'5, > 250LBS AND CUT.


Guru says....
Hmmm, well, I think we found the winner of the dumbest asshole on Earth, possibly even in the Solar System.
I'm really scared dude. LMFAO!
Go ahead do your worst. Oh, and f**k you too, bro.

P.S.
You got yourself blacklisted too, mofo
btw, I also discovered you are Vanguarde on the messageboards.... my spies never sleep....

Profile for Vanguarde
l337HaX0rz@hotmail.com
Name: Michael
Homepage: http://liftoff.msfc.nasa.gov/RealTime/JTrack/3D/JTrack3D.html
Hobbies: Astronomy, Timeology,Star Trek PC games, Computers, etc.. (Hint, I am a nerd)
Location: NYC, NY USA

Hmmm, well, I just learned that this idiot above just wanted to get onto my Lamer page because it's "cool". Erm, buddy, I hate to tell you, but if you appear here, it means you are really stupid and braindead.
Unfortunately for him, this is probably a little more information than he'd like to tell us....

Webb, Michael
34 Percival Place
STATEN ISLAND, NY 10309
PHONE: 718-227-7604

IP# 24.90.9.182 (static)

ISP: RoadRunner
Administrative Contact, Technical Contact:
Road Runner  (NO789-ORG) abuse@RR.COM
Road Runner
13241 Woodland Park Rd
Herndon, VA 20171
US
703-345-3416
Fax- 703-345-2518

Ok, now who wants to visit this dickhead with a group of beefy guys wielding baseball bats, and make mince meat of his ugly carcass for me, then blow his head off with a shotgun and castrate him? I guess it's gotta be worth a few rare PCB's as a reward.
P.S.  Send me his nutsack as proof :-)

---------------------------------------

12th August, 2002
Well, well, we have a smart arse in our midst.... I refer you to the latest post on the VG-Network site dated Monday August 12th.
You sure know how to piss me off don't you Damian. Well, you don't f**k with old Guru and just walk away. Lets see your emails shall we.....

Damian Moran wrote...
I have messaged Stroff and he has basically refused to share Ace Driver. This would be fine, except that Team viva nonno do NOT have the game. Another point is that the game must be shared, and thus far it has not been. I therefore ask for either you or one of the persons who has the game to upload it to my web server so that I can share with team viva nonno and eventually release to the community. Yes I know he has claimed
the game is available to them, the truth is they do not have it, and probably will never unless I send it to them.

You must be pretty stupid if you think that you are the only one who is capable of sending the dump to the Viva team. You didn't pay for it, you have no right to it.
AND Phil has already offered to give the Viva guys the dump, AND you know that because he posted that information on the VGN message boards. You also know that Phil is in contact with the Viva team directly because he told you via email several times. It's really quite funny...you sent a PM to Phil and told him I said it's ok for him to give you the dump. Of course, you are too stupid to realize that Phil is much smarter than that. He can see exactly what you are trying to do because Phil and I discussed this earlier. Then you email me and tell me some similar crap and set up an ftp site so I can upload it, even though I already told you I have absolutely no plans to upload it again via modem. At the same time, I know you have tried to go over my head and behind my back to obtain it by deceiving us, but your little plan was discovered. It's very obvious that you are just trying to gain attention and credit for something you have nothing to do with.

Lets see some more emails....

Damian Moran wrote...
Why in hell have you posted this hostile rant? I did not ask anyone on  #retrogamers to bother you, or anyone at all for that matter. If we are such such a small piss in the ocean why are you even bothering talking to me? I never pretended the project was anything special.I just want the games like eveyone does.

because you just cant seem to let things happen at their own pace. no one wants to be told you MUST add this game to an emulator and MUST have it working now, and MUST release the romz to us so we can play it. which is what you and your kiddie friends on #retrogames and vgn boards are saying. it's all over the place, and everyone has noticed.
let's see a little less crap around on the boards and IRC regarding the "them and us" mentality.
take the example on your site where you say....

Q: If I donate, how will it benefit me?
A: Our plan is to get any ROMs released directly to the donators first, it will then be left up to the donators how they wish to distribute their copies of the ROMs they receive.

the correct Answer is...
A: If you donate, you will be helping to purchase PCBs that can be dumped and you'll then be able to play the games in an emulator for no extra cost, once the emulation is completed.

I also refer you to the last 3 lines of this post.....

http://www.retrogames.com/cgi-bin/wwwthreads/showpost.pl?Board=retrogen&Number=58771&
page=0&view=expanded&mode=threaded&sb=7#Post58771


This is not good.

You and they need to cool it a bit.
Like all good things, they come to those who are patient and wait. you didn't pay for Mame or Viva, you are in no position to be demanding anything. when I say "you" I mean all those who are against devs. you will get nowhere by forcing the issues.
you need to work WITH us, not against us.

Well well, you try to make me look stupid by bad mouthing me on IRC and you get caught and it's posted to the retrogames.com general emulation board. Plus you have this mentality that you somehow deserve to be given everything on a silver platter. Hahaha!!

Let's see some more emails shall we....

Damian Moran wrote...
It is true, I would rather not ship the PCB to you as it will cost a lot more $'s. But I probably have no choice. I am just trying to be an economical as I can, there are no prejudices. Also you are right there is no RUSH for Ace Driver, but certain activities almost look like Rom hoarding when they are not released to the public.


The public didn't pay for Victory Lap. The public don't need Victory Lap until it's emulated.
It's not being hoarded, it's being protected from rom grabbers and those who like to claim credit for things they have not done, like YOU!
When it's emulated, the public WILL receive it, don't worry.

I should also mention that it's not THAT expensive to mail one PCB. It would only be $50 or even less if you send it with the cheapest method (surface etc.)
And "no prejudices"? Erm, dude, take a look at the post on the retrogames.com general emulation board where you were caught red handed bad-mouthing me. There are several similar posts on the VGN boards also (of course they have been removed now because they are a bunch of splineless assholes too).

Gee. I thought we had it all worked out dude. Then you go and do a stupid thing like post that two day old email to VGN. Needless to say, young Damian, you have now totally screwed yourself. I did warn you not to mess with me, and as a consequence, I withdraw my support for helping you TOTALLY.
You'd better trot off to see your bank manager now and get that loan to buy all that equipment you need to dump your sorry board. You have a lot of work ahead of you.
Oh, and you had better put on an extra pair of nappies (on top of the one's you have on already) because when you open up that metal box and see how complex it really is, you are going to wet yourself...Mmmwwwhahahahaha!!

OK, so if you've read all this, I'm sure you are now suitably educated and entertained. The solution is simple. Randy and I have already established a project to dump unemulated PCB's via "The Dumping Project"
It's really pointless to try to re-invent the wheel by sending funds to someone like Damian who has no idea how to dump a PCB and no equipment to dump it. He simply relies on others to do his work, and he takes the credit. The best course of action is to send the funds to someone who's at the cutting edge of this technology and can actually make things happen, rather than offering excuses and grabbing undeserved claim. Just take a look at the PCBs that are listed here on my site, and then look at Mame to see just what has been achieved in a short amount of time. This is no fluke. It's a team effort by a group of dedicated developers and dedicated donators.
I really hate to say it, but the funds that were donated to Damian Moran have probably been for nothing, since even if he does get hold of a PCB, he has no-one to dump it now. If you are planning to help out with donations, don't make the same mistake as those who were fooled by Damian. Send the funds to me and I'll make things happen. The proof is here, just take a look around my site....

Finally, I'd like to add that the above views are entirely mine.

--------------------------------------

----- Original Message -----
From: "Cody Masters" <airduel@hotmail.com>
Sent: Thursday, April 04, 2002, 8:55 PM
Subject: Its for you asshole
> You know Guru! you stupid shit! You are a fly to me!
> I use to kick heads in (like you)when i was your age....
>
> I read all that talk you have at
> http://unemulated.emuunlim.com/lamer.html
>
> Im telling you now if I ever find you! not only am i going to kick your
> head in.becouse thats what I will do *AND IM NOT JOKING*
> but make shore I will break YOUR FINGERS so you dont put stupid
> page up like you did.
>
> I will show you lamer...

Guru says...
Hmmm, you know, it doesn't matter where you go, there's always some sicko ready to offer his advice about life. Well, I'm not particularly interested in your point of view on that subject, but if you insist, my brothers & I personally welcome you to visit us. We will greatly enjoy pulling off your arms and legs and leaving you in the gutter. I'm sure you'll feel right at home there. Actually, I have a better idea, after we decapitate your carcass, we'll put you on the spit and roast you like a pig. Mmmmm. I can taste it now, my mouth is watering, I'll put out the welcome mat for you.
It's also a pity you are spineless and feel the need to hide behind a Hotmail email address. But don't worry, the spit can support spineless assholes too.
See you soon.

----- Original Message -----
From: Jonathan Wilson (jonwil@tpgi.com.au)
Sent: Saturday, June 02, 2001 1:32 PM
Subject: Re: Namco System2

I need info on Namco System 2 so I can fix it.
[Several hundred emails back and forth about unnecessary info wanted/needed, incomplete dumps needed, parts lists needed, chip info needed, ROMs needed, this and that needed etc, the list is too long to post here!]

Guru says...
Your requests are not needed according to the developer who was working on System2.

Who is this developer?
It would be better if we were both working on the driver together.
[more emails requesting more info about the hardware/custom chips, PAL's, socketed/unsocketed
chips etc]

Guru says...
The current developer is busy with other things at the moment and will get to System 2 eventually.
He told me he can handle the task and doesn't need anyone's help. AND I have no doubt he can fix it, given time.
But if you want to fix it now, go ahead.

Mabie if I wrote/fixed/whatever the driver he's currently looking into, he would get to system2 quicker
[yet *more* emails requesting info about the hardware/custom chips, PAL's, socketed/unsocketed chips etc]

Guru says...
ok, why don't you finish the drivers for all the DEVs, then we can get to Sega Model 1 & 2 quicker?
or the other 3000 unemulated games?
Hell, why don't we proclaim you to be the no.1 dev, and send you all our WIP drivers to fix?
Hey guys! (Aaron, Phil, Nicola and all other DEV's everywhere), email this guy, he can fix all your problems!

Plus, none of the inputs seem to work in fl3 for the current build of mame so they are either hooked up wrong or there is some other reason they dont work. Having the wiring diagram which you said you have would enable me to fix any problems with the hookup :)

Guru says...
Really, you can fix it with *just* the wiring diagram? WOW!
It's not *that* simple. Do you think that if it were a simple fix that someone wouldn't have fixed it? These guys are smart, *really* smart. There are over 2000 games supported in MAME, how do you think they got there, by pure luck? I believe the problem is protection related.

The other possibility is that the dump of the input program rom really is bad and thats why the inputs dont work... :)

Guru says...
Input ROM? There's no input ROM you freaking dumbass! You really have no idea do you.
Forget it bud. Stick to playing the games.

(Several other emails followed that were automatically deleted by my SPAM filter)


----------------------------------------


From: FLiPpRiDeOvRHeRe@aol.com
Sent: Tuesday, April 24, 2001 10:55 AM
Subject: hey


> What the hell is your problem?You always make fun of people like you think
> they are stupid or sumtin, one of these days something will happen to you
> very bad, and we aint gonna care...RESPECT people...from all of the comments
> Iv'e seen you didn't respect not even one of them...
>

Well, what can I say..... yet *ANOTHER* AOL Dickhead.
There's are billions of people world-wide that don't care about me. So do I care?
NOPE!


-------------------------------------

Subject: HELP ME
> From: JAMB78@aol.com
> Date: Thursday, 14 December 2000 14:21

FRIENDS:

WHERE CAN I FIND MAME ROM PIT FIGHTER FULLY EMULATED.

I CANT FIND THIS GAME FULLY EMULATED NONE ANYWHERE

Well, first you stand in a hole. Then you fart while holding a lit match near your asshole, and hey presto! you're playing Pit Fighter !
Oh no, that's not correct. I was thinking of Pit Farter. That's a different game.....


-----------------------------------------

Subject: raiden
> From: ?
> Date: Monday, 11 September 2000 10:45
>

I wanna play raiden dx
i have MAME, is that all i need?

NO! You need to flush your head in the toilet then jump in front of a Mack truck. That should be all you need.


----------------------------------

Subject: hi
> From: Zinniamano@aol.com
> Date: Wed, 5 Jul 2000 15:44:54 ED
>
ok i wrote an email to someone and then i went bak to read again a couple of days later and to my suprise i found this gay hyperlink to ur dorky pathetic cheap emulating site 4 retards who can't leave their house to buy their own games i really want 2 know how the hell this happened i want u write bak or else i will harass u with bad emails on a daily basis thanx 4 reading this and go fuck urself

with true hate,
zinniamano@aol.com

You dumb F**K. you can't harass me, I've just added your AOL (Assholes Or Lamers) email address to my email filter, so it will just be deleted automatically. In fact, I've added ALL AOL accounts to the filter, so don't bother to reply.
It's a pity you left school so early, you really need to go back to school and learn correct grammar and spelling, but it probably won't do you any good since you're drunk, unemployed and laying in the gutter.

---------------------------------------------


Subject: Congratulations
> From: brick (brick@is.isea.irk.ru)
> Date: Thursday, 4 March 1999 16:42
>
> You are motherfucker, where are the games?!?!?!
> You are lammers!!!
> You are fucking bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Hey (thick-as-a) BRICK! if you don't know what "AVALANCHE" is, you will soon....
Hope you enjoy the 100000 majordomo email subscription.
Happy downloading......hahahahahhaahhahaha !!!

Any more wise guys?


------------------------------------


> Subject: romz
> From: Senzio (senziopg@aol.com)
> Date: Sun, 26 August 1999 11:08:07 -0600
>
>SEND ME ROMZ. MANY !

You poor misguided (AOL) lamer. Your email will go straight to hell !
I hope you enjoy downloading my windows swap file. mwwhahahahahaha !

-----------------------------------------



> Subject: pass
> From: Leo Balthur (balthur@polbox.com)
> Organization: Polish Trainer Collection
> Date: Mon, 31 Jan 2000 23:12:02 +0100
>
>Hello theguru,
>
>i was browsing your database and ai can't figure out how to download
>roms for mame ? please help
>sirencly leo !

This one is just too funny to pass up not posting it.
I can't figure out how you manage to get out of bed each morning?
You started off well but after the first line, it all went downhill.
Can't you read? You don't get ROMs from my database, it only contains TEXT INFO !!!!!!

----------------------------------


> Subject: where can i get a japanese rom?
> From: "Christopher Castille" (eviljigglypuff@hotmail.com)
> Date: Wed, 09 Feb 2000 17:28:31 CST
>
> well?

Try Japan, ASSHOLE!!




From Wikipedia before it was removed: Other things Neill Corlett worked on include an arcade game called Kingdom Grand Prix (made by Raizing / 8ing) which was only available in a non-English version, so Neill decided to make a replacement ROM for it. He even went to great lengths to hide the fact that he did this by obfuscating the CRC of the file so it matched the already available code. It was termed a 'ghastly hack' and caused widespread havoc because unscrupulous people realised they could replace their non-English version with an English version to aid in selling it. Unfortunately almost all of the arcade non-English versions of Kingdom Grand Prix have had a ROM replaced to make it English. Now finding a _real_ English version of this game is nearly impossible, and even if one is found, it's very difficult to verify because of the confusion created by that hacked ROM. This mammoth feat of human ingenuity and a prized example of absolute stupidity can be solely accredited to Neill Corlett.

 
 
 
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