EmuForce

Chapter Three: Road trip

By Demon Mind

"Are we there yet?" Demon Mind whined in the back, wiggling against the seat, "My wings hurt!" "Oh, stop your bitching" UncleVom said from behind the steering wheel, "You were the one who wouldn't cough up the extra cash for a sun roof to stretch your wings. We aren't a government funded operation, you know. We're kinda like the X-Men."
	"Well if I would have known we'd be in this car for two days straight, I would have thought about it harder! And we AREN'T the X-Men! Why do people keep saying that?" "Lamers, man." Crap Man said in the seat in front of Demon Mind, before lighting up a cigarette and taking a puff, "Lamers." "Ack!" GreyBrain coughed beside him, "Don't smoke in here!" "I dunno," Demon Mind said sniffing the air wistfully, "Kinda reminds me of home. 'S nice." "I don't care if it reminds you of Mom's apple pie," GreyBrain said, snatching the cigarette from Crap Man's lips, unrolling his window, and tossing it out, "I don't want to die from cancer before the Lamer Threat is put to rest!"
"Hey!" Crap Man sad, angered, "That was my last one!" "Good!" GreyBrain said triumphantly. "Aww..." Demon Mind said, sniffing the air one last time, and sighing. KiLLerCloWn turned around in his shotgun seat to face the rest of Emu Force, "Stop arguing back there, or I'll have UncleVom turn this car right around, and there'll be no Lamer Bashing for you today!" "Sorry." Demon Mind, Crap Man, and GreyBrain said in unison, looking at the floor. "Hey, CAN we stop for a minute?" Assyrix asked, moving his shoulder away from Demon Mind in the back, "Demon Mind's wing is digging into me here, man."
	"FINE," UncleVom said, annoyed, "There's a diner right there. We'll stop, grab a bite to eat, and then be back on our way." As they pulled into the diner, (The Cat's Tongue, the sign said,) Demon Mind leaned into Assyrix, who yelped, and hit the demon in the arm, "Ow! Knock it off!" "You knock it off!" Demon Mind retorted, hitting Assyrix in the shoulder where he had hit him, "I didn't do anything. It was the car!" The EmuMobile came to a stop, and the heroes got out. "The Cat's Tongue?" KiLLerCloWn said disgusted, "Aww, man... That sounds disgusting! I don't wanna eat here!"
"Yeah..." GreyBrain chimed in, "Who'd wanna eat at a place called 'The Cat's Tongue'? This place must suck. C'mon, there has to be something better around here..." "No way!" Assyrix added to the fray, "I just got out of that car! Give my shoulder time to heal from Mr. I-Can't-Spring-For-A-Sun-Roof's wing over there!" "Stop knocking my wing!" Demon Mind yelled, "Or I'm gonna have it knock you all the way back to Emu HQ!" "DAMMIT!" UncleVom shouted over all of them, "SHUT UP! WHAT A BUNCH OF--" He went silent for a second, then a look of horror filled his eyes. "Something's wrong! We're acting like a bunch of lamers in a flame war!"
	The faces of Emu Force went dead cold. "Geez, you're right!" GreyBrain exclaimed, "What's going on?" "I'll tell you what's going on," a voice from behind them said, "There's a mind controlling Lamer in the area. He excretes a substance that angers people, to incite them into flame wars." "Who are you?" Assyrix asked, as they all turned to size up the person who was speaking to them. "My name is RocLobsta," the man said, "I'm a Lamer Hunter. Been tracking this one for three days. Goes by the name 'THE GREAT KING OF LAMERS.' And he's in that restaurant. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to subdue him and take him back to the people who hired me, so he can be studied in hopes of producing an antidote to this kind of lamer."
"A noble cause." UncleVom said, "Can we be of service?" RocLobsta thought for a moment, "I don't see why not. Although it'll probably be a quick fight. This variety of lamers is all talk." "Aren't they all?" KiLLerCloWn joked. RocLobsta smiled, "C'mon." Leading the way, RocLobsta opened the diner's door, making the tiny bell attached to it jingle as they all passed through. RocLobsta took something out of a leather bag slung over his shoulder, and flicked a switch, moving it slowly around the room, until it landed on one thin man, and beeped like crazy. "That's him right there." RocLobsta said, pointing at the man, then "THE GREAT KING OF LAMERS, you are to come with me. Make this easy on yourself and give up."
	The skinny man looked up, surprised. "N-no! NO! I AM THE GREAT KING OF LAMERS! You can't catch me!" He bolted up and looked for a place to run, but there wasn't anywhere he could go. He was boxed in. "Allow me," KiLLerCloWn said, advancing on the man, "I still owe these lamers some whup ass for interrupting my favorite movie. THE GREAT KING OF ALL LAMERS backed up against the wall, "N-no! No! Stay away from me! You suck! YOU SUCK!"
KiLLerCloWn ignored the fool, and punched him in the stomach so hard the boards behind him broke, and his ass stuck through to the outside of the building, then calmly walked back to the rest of Emu Force as RocLobsta advanced and put an odd looking helmet on the unconscious man. "There," RocLobsta said, dusting his hands, "That'll keep him from influencing anyone until I can get him back for study." He turned back to Emu Force. "Thanks for your help. I appreciate it." "Not a problem." KiLLerCloWn said, "As a matter of fact, it was my pleasure." The clown smiled demonically at RocLobsta. "You know," Assyrix said to their new friend, "You have a place with us at Emu Force, if you want it. We'd like to have you aboard."
	"Thanks," RocLobsta said, pulling the former GREAT KING OF ALL LAMERS out of the wall, "But I still have some business to attend elsewhere. I'll consider your offer, though." "Some other time, then." Assyrix said, shaking the man's hand. "By the way," GreyBrain toned in, "Do you know how the food here is?" "Sucks." "I KNEW IT!" GreyBrain yelled happily. Everyone gave him a look. "What? I wasn't being a lamer. I was just saying!"